From One to Two: The Emotional Reality of Becoming a Mother of Two

Becoming a mother for the second time is often met with the assumption that you already know what you're doing. You've done this before. But emotionally, the shift from one child to two can be just as complex, raw and consuming as becoming a mum for the first time…sometimes even more so.

As we honour sibling relationships today, we want to take a moment to shine a light on your journey as a mother. Because behind every second-born is a mother learning how to split her time, stretch her heart, and carry an even heavier mental load.

We asked real mums from the YOUR MAMAHOOD community to share what the transition from one to two really felt like, what surprised them, what they needed, and what they wished they knew.

Many mothers admitted to worrying that they wouldn’t be able to love their second child as much as their first. Ali shared that she feared it wouldn’t be the same kind of love. "That somehow it would be different or not enough love. But there totally is," she said. "You love both equally, just differently."

Others were surprised by how their bond with the second child seemed to form even faster. Sophie reflected, "I actually felt more of a bond straight away with Dotty than I did with Margot. This might have been because I knew what I was getting into and didn’t have the worry of the unknown, so I had more emotional space."

One mum shared that what surprised her most was developing postnatal depression the second time around. "I naively thought I’d be ok as I knew what to expect. My first maternity leave was one of the happiest times of my life, so I assumed this time would be the same. But personal struggles, a traumatic birth and navigating life with a newborn and a toddler meant it hit me hard this time. Some days I felt like I could barely function."

That emotional space is something many of us don’t expect to change so much. While some parents found the transition smoother than anticipated, others described moments of grief, not necessarily for themselves, but for their firstborn. Ali explained that after 6.5 years of her daughter Bella being the centre of their world, she felt a deep shift and a quiet grieving on Bella's behalf. Laura shared a similar reflection, noting that the grief came later, after her experience with postnatal depression. "I looked back and realised how little my eldest was and I felt guilty for all the change and hardship she must have had."

Interestingly, one mum told us she expected to grieve that relationship, but instead felt it grew stronger. "I made sure the time I had with my first was quality time, and I felt more present with him as a result."

Guilt, in one form or another, was a recurring theme. Zoe said simply, "I don’t think I have ever managed the guilt. It is one of the hardest parts of being a mum." Another mum admitted, "At first, I didn’t manage it at all. I felt like I was always saying ‘in a minute’ while I fed the baby. The guilt was immense."

Many mums emphasised the importance of carving out one-on-one time where possible, whether through tag-teaming with a partner or planning intentional moments with each child. One mother shared, "I started planning little dates with my eldest, and it really helped ease the guilt."

Alongside the emotional impact came the very real, very relentless shift in the day-to-day. Ali described it clearly: "You think it'll be twice the work. It's ten times the work. The chaos that can occur is next level!" Emma added that going back to the baby stage while juggling school runs and homework created a kind of non-stop mental juggling act. And for Zoe, as her children grew, the load only got heavier. "Now that they’re three and five, the mental load is overwhelming. Clubs, activities, dinners, work... it all lives in my head."

That sentiment was echoed by another mum, who said: "With one, I used to feel like I just about had my sh*t together. Now I have no chance!"

When it came to support, many mothers felt that expectations changed the second time around. Sophie recalled, "People didn’t offer to help. I needed someone to just say, 'I'll take the baby, you sleep.' But no one did." There was an assumption that because it wasn't their first, they didn’t need the same level of care. One mum added, "My husband only had the statutory two weeks off this time [he had 6 the first]. The difference that made to my recovery and mental health was huge."

Another mum reflected on how little practical support was offered: "People love to visit and cuddle the baby, but what I really needed was someone to take the baby so I could shower or drink a coffee in peace."

One beautiful insight that came through was around preparing the older sibling. "I didn’t put pressure on my eldest to suddenly be a ‘big brother,’ and we gave him space to come to the baby in his own time. Now, at one and three, they are inseparable."

Looking back, many mothers had comforting messages they wished they could send to their past selves. Ali said, "You forget how hard the early years are, but it passes. And it does get easier." Zoe added, "You will love the baby just as much. And the days go even faster the second time round."

Another shared: "Don’t sweat the routine. If they nap in the car, that’s fine. You won’t remember the sleep charts, you’ll remember the moments."

Still, in the middle of the chaos, there was magic. The bond between siblings was the thing they all held on to. Emma called it the most beautiful part. Zoe described how her children now call each other best friends. One mum summed it up: "Nothing could have prepared me for the joy of watching them love each other."

If you’re navigating this shift right now, you’re not alone. The jump from one child to two is messy, beautiful, exhausting, and transformative. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, no perfect roadmap. But the emotional experience deserves to be seen and supported.

Explore our directory of trusted experts, therapists, and support services – all designed for the woman behind the mother.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

Explore the YOUR MAMAHOOD Directory & Therapist Directory.

[The names of the people in this article have been changed to protect their anonymity]