Why Do We Get Intrusive Thoughts Postpartum?
Motherhood is a rollercoaster of emotions, isn’t it? You’ve barely had time to adjust to the sleepless nights, constant feeding, and never-ending nappy changes, and then—out of nowhere—a thought flashes through your mind. Something you’d never want to happen, something that feels so out of character that it stops you in your tracks. What on earth was that? Am I losing it? Why am I even thinking like this?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Intrusive thoughts are surprisingly common during the postpartum period, and while they can feel scary and isolating, they’re not a sign that something is fundamentally wrong with you. Let’s explore why they happen and what you can do about them.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome, distressing thoughts or images that seem to appear out of nowhere. They’re often graphic, unsettling, and completely out of line with your values and intentions. For postpartum mums, these might revolve around fears of accidentally harming your baby, making mistakes, or scenarios where you’re unable to protect your child. It’s important to know that these thoughts are just that: thoughts. They don’t reflect who you are or what you would ever do.
Why Do Intrusive Thoughts Happen Postpartum?
There are several reasons why new mums are more vulnerable to intrusive thoughts:
1. Hormonal Changes
After giving birth, your body undergoes a massive hormonal shift. The sudden drop in pregnancy hormones like oestrogen and progesterone, combined with an increase in oxytocin (the bonding hormone), can leave you feeling emotionally raw. These changes can amplify anxiety, making it easier for intrusive thoughts to take hold.
2. Heightened Sense of Responsibility
Becoming a parent often comes with an overwhelming sense of responsibility. You’re now responsible for a tiny human who relies on you entirely, and that can lead to hypervigilance. Intrusive thoughts often emerge as a warped way of your brain trying to prepare you for potential dangers—even if those dangers are incredibly unlikely or far-fetched.
3. Sleep Deprivation
It’s no secret that new mums don’t get much sleep. Chronic sleep deprivation can have a profound effect on your mental health, leaving your mind more prone to negative and irrational thoughts.
4. Postpartum Anxiety or OCD
For some women, intrusive thoughts may be part of a larger issue like postpartum anxiety or postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). In these cases, the thoughts might feel even more persistent, and you may find yourself engaging in compulsive behaviours to try to neutralise them.
5. Cultural and Societal Pressures
Modern motherhood often comes with the unspoken expectation of perfection. When you’re trying to live up to unrealistic standards, any doubt or fear can spiral into intrusive thoughts as your brain struggles to reconcile reality with those expectations.
What Can You Do About Intrusive Thoughts?
If intrusive thoughts are troubling you, here are some steps to take:
1. Acknowledge Them
It’s tempting to push intrusive thoughts away, but suppressing them often makes them more persistent. Acknowledge that these thoughts are a common response to the stress and changes of new motherhood. They don’t define you or your capabilities as a mum.
2. Talk About Them
Opening up to someone you trust—whether that’s your partner, a friend, or a therapist—can help reduce the shame and isolation that often accompany intrusive thoughts. You might be surprised to find how many other mums have experienced something similar.
3. Challenge the Thoughts
When an intrusive thought appears, try to step back and look at it objectively. Ask yourself:
Is this thought based on fact, or is it just fear?
Does this thought align with the kind of person and mum I am?
What evidence do I have to counter this thought?
4. Practice Self-Compassion
You’re not supposed to be perfect. You’re learning, adapting, and doing your best. Remind yourself that having these thoughts doesn’t make you a bad mum—it makes you human.
5. Seek Professional Support
If intrusive thoughts feel overwhelming or start to interfere with your daily life, it’s important to seek help. A therapist trained in maternal mental health can provide tools and strategies to manage anxiety and intrusive thoughts effectively.
You Are Not Alone
Intrusive thoughts can be distressing, but they don’t mean you’re failing as a mum. They’re a sign that your brain is working overtime to process the monumental changes that come with motherhood. By acknowledging them, sharing your experience, and seeking support if needed, you can take back control and find peace of mind.
Remember: you’re doing an incredible job, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it. And if intrusive thoughts are part of your journey, know that help is available and you don’t have to face them alone.
